I am Madame Felis--Wordsmith, Mother of Kittens, and Diviner of Faeces.
I, Madame Felis, come from a world of—dare I say it?—dogs.
My mother and father preferred hounds and mutts (I love them dearly, but they are too common for my taste), so I came into consciousness in a canine world. Drool and walks and leashes and poop bags, included. But as a young woman, hopelessly searching for meaning, I met a great warlock (and married him too) who was proudly enslaved by a tortoiseshell cat named Lilith the Most High.
Lilith the Most High, with her sharp claws and screeching yowls, broke my spirit, broke my body. She branded her mark upon my hands and forever sealed me into the Realm of Felines.
In my daily labors for Lilith the Most High, I learned that there were more ways for me to indenture myself to cats, including fostering Little Oracles. When Little Oracles are born in the wild lands of UnitedStatsia, most spawn out-of-doors. Their mothers—Mighty Queens—are often killed by the horrors of nature: disease, dogs, werewolves. The sweet babes, the Little Oracles, are left to fend for themselves. If they are lucky enough to enchant and charm humans into saving them, the Little Oracles face poisonous tinctures and dark magick in shelters. Because Lilith the Most High imprinted on my very spirit, she opened my eyes to the atrocities Little Oracles face; I could not look away.
Since then, I have opened up my humble abode, cramming it full of orphaned Little Oracles. Day and night, I clean faeces and vomit; I mash food with my mortar and pestle and heat formula in my cauldron. In my practice of fostering, I have learned that Little Oracle faeces act as a portal into the future—a portal I can tap into with my divining energies and “sight.” I now share my wisdom with others, harnessing the powers of the Little Oracles to improve the world around me.
Email me for personalized readings at: madamefelis@kittenshit.org
Please send owls to:
7 Lavender Lane,
Shitterton, CA 45699
UnitedStatsia
